I got My CAR BACK!!

I am thrilled that I got my car back. Also today was grocery day. Not just any grocery day, but HUGE grocery day. My roommate get a 1 day only employee discount on 1 total purchase for 15% off. That meant I had to brave Wal-Mart……… Exhausted Now! And I still forgot the propane and a few other things, but after waiting in line to check out for 30 minutes, I didnt care. I got all the groceries in and all the cold stuff put away, but everything else is gonna sit there for a while.

Off to pick up my daughter, drop in on my PCP to SEE that they sent my medical docs and then to Therapy. There was something else but I cant remember right now.

Short term disability

I have been out of STD for a while now and STILL haven’t been paid. I was to trust that work will take care of me. What a joke. Everything is past due, my Credit Cards have been closed and I am so close to loosing my RV it isn’t funny anymore. My credit is ruined.  I am not sleeping again. I finally fell asleep around 2 am, and I woke up around 5am. I just laid there trying to go back to sleep but I was dreaming about all the things that are going wrong right now, so sleep is not happening. I dreamed I was at work arguing with a customer like always and my sup came by and told me I am not allowed to be there because I haven’t been released to return and that I had missed too much time and was not excused and I was fired. My jaw hurts from clenching. I considered applying for a job at Tom Thumb but there is no insurance there. Not like I am gonna get any better with treatment anyways……..  I finally got up after not being able to shut my brain off to the thought of just going back to work and forgetting that I ever thought I was depressed or unwell and what I need to do to fix the mess I have made. I am just weak and need to suck it up and do my job like everybody else. I am letting everyone down and I have done this to myself. There is no reason for me to worry about “getting better” and “relaxing” because this is all some stupid fantasy I came up with to make myself feel special. I am not special, I am lazy. MS is just an excuse to let myself go. I don’t know what I was thinking. I need to go back to work now. Nothing else matters. I need to figure out how to make my eyes quit watering so much and start making phone calls to get my release to go back to work as possible. I have been so stupid. Suck it up. What a joke


Yesterday I had a Chiropractic visit with P-wave and PT. Plus last night I went back to ballet class. I hurt. Mostly hips and shoulders with minor sore muscles. Plus something is blooming that is making my sinus’ go insane!!

Ballet was not as bad as expected in some ways and way worse in others. Leotards are unforgiving already, but with 1 wall being 1 huge mirror, you cant really look away. Its hard to see how much weight I have gained. It is affecting my dancing, the way my shoes fit and my center of gravity. Plus my feet have lost a lot of flexibility so I had a really hard time getting on pointe. My thighs are thicker now so anything close together require serious squeezing. The new music for recital is very…. athletic!! Which is good, but there is no 1st beat before we start moving so everybody is behind from the very beginning. It starts with a leap!! Kind of need to be on time for that!

I kept up ok and I ignored what I looked like in the mirror so I could correct my lines, but man I need to do something about this or I wont be able to keep dancing on pointe. This weight gain is really getting me. More water, less and better snacks, smaller portions and a walk every day. Easier said than done, but I am gonna try.

Homestead updates

I got word that there is now city sewer on the block at the end of my property. So now I dont have to fret so much about a septic tank. That is great news because there are wetlands on my property and I was looking at $8-10K for an above ground septic system plus all the perk, permit and survey fees. Yikes!!  That means that come income tax time, I can get a sewer tap and electric. Then its water, which there are already lines and a water box there, which is a major cost cutter.  Tap fee is $2500 where as reusing a tap is only $200.

I am trying so hard not to make garden plans yet, but it is really hard lol. This weekend I will be taking some of my trees out there to plant. I have 9 blue spruce trees that will be part of the hedge/living fence that really need out of their pots. I am also trying not to think too much about the chickens I want because it is too soon. I need to get a fence up though. The ordinance is odd for fences in that area. 10 feet back from the road and no taller than 4 feet in the front yard, so hedge behind the fence. I personally would like a privacy fence that is 8 feet tall to keep any animals in and people out. Also I don’t want everybody in the area to see all my fruit trees and such. I have 2 apple, 2 plum, 2 fig, 2 blueberry and 1 peach sitting on my porch in pots. I still want some citrus and nuts to add to the orchard, but I have a lot of clearing that needs to be done out there plus utilities before they get a permanent home. My neighbor wants to get some goats out there to do the clearing for us, but for that to work, I have to get the fences up. UGH such a big and expensive job!! All i can hope for is some of my strong friends to come out and help because there is no way I can do it myself.

Ok I am gonna try and sleep again. 2 posts on this sleepless night.

Cats are weird

About a year and half ago we adopted a cat from Petco. All their dogs and cats come from the Humane society and are fixed, up to date on shots and need loving families. I wanted a kitten, but this bi-color eyed (one blue, one green) fat cow colored cat stole me heart. Her name was Fancy, and she, and her sister, once belonged to an elderly lady who could no longer take care of them. Her sister had been adopted a while back so she has been alone a long time. Well, we changed her name after I spilled ground sage on the floor and she treated it like catnip. Also, whenever I burn sage, she is so silly.

Her name is Sage now, and she says Hi. Actually says Hi! She will jump up on the bed or the couch with me and I say Hi, she responds every time with a clipped squeaky meow. (broken voice box, so she more quacks than meows) She is obsessed with the shower. Every time I leave the door open, she is in there licking the water off the floor. I keep her water fresh, but she wants it from the shower. She also wants it from my cup. If there is condensation on the outside, she licks every drop off.

When I climb in to bed, she will come say hi, but goes and plays. Until Kevin comes in the room. As soon as he heads this way, she jumps in and has to be in the middle.  During the day you will find her sitting on top of the couch staring out the window at the neighbors dogs or spread eagle on the floor. Don’t touch her belly though, cause she will bite you. Right this moment she is spread out like a 2 year old on the bed, sound asleep and purring like a diesel. How can something her size take up so much space?

Her favorite toy is a ball of paper from 1 type of notebook. If you toss her a paper ball from anything else, she just walks away. She is also a pen clepto. I have to hide my pens and even hide when I am using one because she will come and steal it right out of my hand! I need to get a yard stick to fish under the slide and see how big her collection is.

Living in the RV is fine with her as long as she can see outside. Well, that’s not true. She REALLY doesnt like it when the RV moves. She is terrified of travel and will hide in the worst places like under the drivers seat. So she has to travel in a crate. I feel so bad for her because she yowls the whole time and refuses to eat or drink in there. When we stop I always pull her out, but she still wont eat or drink. I think the 1st time we moved the RV (8 hour trip) with her in it, she felt her home had betrayed her. But on the way back, we let her stay outside the crate for a lot of the trip. Unfortunately she kept trying to climb under my feet while driving and climb in to my lap. Back to the crate 😦

She is fat. She has a saggy tummy and weighs 13 lbs. I have tried several types of food including weight management, but she wont eat it or gets sick. We feed her twice per day, 1/4 cup which is what the vet recommended. Well she picks out the bits she likes and is begging like we are starving her to death. We keep her food in the bathroom (she is a thief) and the 2 hours before she gets fed, she is tripping everyone who goes in there.

Cats are weird, or at least our cat is.


Theraputic Tools

So a friend is remodeling/expanding his bathroom and asked me to help. Today we had to take down a wall. Who knew Tearing down sheet rock with a hammer could be so refreshing!! My arms are jello now, but I have to say, If you are stressed, its a great Theraputic Tool!!!

Very sad meeting

I have been with the Volunteer Fire Dept since 2010 as a 1st Responder and the Secretary of the Board of Directors. I have loved every minute (almost) of it. When I was diagnosed with MS I had already lost the ability to climb up in to the engine. I retired officially when I started MS meds which have compromised my Immune system. But I still had the BOD. Tonight we had the meeting I have been dreading for 2 years, ever since the County told us they were putting a Paid Crew at our station. We Officially Dissolved the BOD tonight. Our next, and last, meeting will be to deal with all the assets like equipment and “stuff” at the station that belongs to the Volunteer portion. Now all I have are memories and a few T-shirts (and a REALLY BRIGHT YELLOW jacket) It was a very emotional meeting for all of us. But I will say I cherish every moment I was there and I learned so many things. Its like the end of an Era for me.

7 years ago

Seven years ago I was a fire dancer at a Rennaissance Faire. I was the only one and I TRULY enjoyed my job there. It was hard, it was skilled, it was dangerous and I was famous. MS took this. But today it doesn’t hurt as much as it did last year to watch this video. So Enjoy!

Mom’s Job too

If you have ever met an autistic child, you know that there are things just a little different. Well hygiene is one that a lot of people on the outside don’t understand. These kids just don’t think about those things. In fact, most will shy away from “body parts” whether talking about it or touching “those” things.

My daughter has a few that keep getting her so it’s My job to take care of it. She doesn’t like to scrub in the shower or in the morning. It’s like, even with a washcloth, she is touching something horrible and scary. Her neck will turn black if I don’t catch her. I actually have to grab her and scrub her neck for her. I keep telling her to do it but after a while it is REALLY gross. Once I had to use nail polish remover to get it off before I truly understood that “touching” was a thing.  I shudder to think what yuck is under her clothes as she freaks when I try to talk to her about scrubbing “That.” She pitches a screaming fit when I try to do it for her. So I sneak peeks when she is in the shower to see if I see anything, then stay in the bathroom and badger her until I see her wash.

Drying her body coming out of the shower is Never going to happen. There is always a trail of water where she just walks strait out. She wraps the towel around her to cover herself then wraps her hair in the towel. Her pajamas are usually stuck to her and her neck is dripping. Sigh.

Then there is using deodorant, which she REALLY needs. She has had the same stick for well over a year. When I can get her to actually use it, I am honestly not sure if it touches her skin. If it does, well she certainly isn’t putting on enough.

As far as underclothes, well, I have come up with some interesting ways to discuss them. “Did you put on a fresh pair of..(head gesture) you know?” Which is ussually met with a drawling, “yyyyeeeeeessssss.” And then I ask to see them. I won’t even begin to discuss female monthly hygiene. Suffice to say that I am buying her new underwear every few months because they just vanish. I hope to the trash can but I havn’t found any surprises as of yet.

Teeth brushing is also an issue. I got her an electric toothbrush because it will clean better even if she does a half way job. But I think the buzzing bothers her. She has a manual toothbrush but her front teeth are often still scummy when she is done. Also the mint toothpaste, well she won’t even put it in her mouth. So now we have kids toothpaste that is fruit flavored. Unfortunately she has chosen and apple flavored one currently that does not have fluoride in it. It is for babies. I admit the mint toothpaste is awful so I got blue raspberry, which has fluoride. But because I chose it, she won’t use it. That is the teenager part, which makes things even MORE fun.

One you probably didn’t think about is Nails. Both fingernails and toenails. She inherited my Grandmothers nails and stole My lashes to be sure. I am jealous of how string her nails are. I am not exaggerating when I say I just cut off an inch off every finger for her and they are still an inch long. They are curling!!! And her toenails are cutting holes in her shoes. That is going to be a battle here shortly. They are so long that when I clip them, if the piece I cut off goes flying, I wear shoes until I find it. Its like stepping on thumbtacks! And that is so bad when she is a dancer. It is so bad that when I took her to the pointe shoe fitter because she couldn’t get her shoes on any more, the lady said not to bring her back until she cut her toenails. You can imagine the shoes fit fine again after I cut them for her. I think that is why she didn’t want to do pointe anymore. Sad mama.

As for clothes in general, I have given up on her putting her clothes away. They will never get folded and I am tired of buying her socks ever 2 weeks. When I pull her clothes out to put them away, I count her socks and roll them together for her. When I don’t find however many pairs or I only find 1, I have to go searching. They are usually rolled inside out UNDER the laundry basket or stuff somewhere inside a shoe or up in her loft. Ever couple of months I make her completely empty her loft so I can get her clothes back. If I didn’t watch so closely, she would wear the same pants all week and the same socks, if any at all. I have to take her PJs away from her when she is not home so I can wash them. She becomes attached to 1 set and won’t change out. If I ask her to, oh yes that teenager comes out again, so I just take them.

Mom’s job is everything. But when you have an autistic child, that work detail expands to include things you never thought about. Some of it annoys me now and then, and some of it is awkward. But its my job. I’m Mom and I love her so much